My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
