The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
