I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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