I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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