would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
