I'm so fucking centered right now
Will you blow on my dice?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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