I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
