I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
