Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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