Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
