I think my fart just growled at me.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
