I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
