vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
