So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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