so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
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And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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