I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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