im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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