ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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