i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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