Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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