there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
be right there i have to get my cape
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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