lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
