i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
