You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
