I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Success! We fucked roommates!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
