I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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