The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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