we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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