I think i peed on brittanys purse
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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