I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
