Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
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He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
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