Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
only if we run a train.
done.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
