I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
