ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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