there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
