I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
