Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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