that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize