Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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