I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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