A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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