dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
