cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
