next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
