So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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