i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
