dude i'm inner monologue high
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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