In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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