If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
