The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
