R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
