apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize