I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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