Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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