Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
