Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's never too late to be topless.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
