she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
