we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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