WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
