I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
This is not my ceiling
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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